black beans noodles & Brahman devotions

Passion , in arabic called “شغف-Shaghaf” , literally translated to : “pericardium” – the delicate membrane enclosing the heart , in arabic poetry and Quraan , this term is used to describe the deepest level of affection/enthusiasm , the level that these emotions feel like they enclose the heart .

Be it a silly trivial thing “a warm cup of tea at a wintery night” , or deep rooted thing “your trauma in fucking 2019”.. all should be counted , respected , celebrated with passion .. because it makes you who you are .

Disclaimer: some people are clinically suffering and need antidepressants anyway , so reading this will be more demanding for them or might sound like “why can’t you feel it you ungrateful bish?” i’ve been there , told that so , as a doctor now , if you just really can’t feel it , move against the stigma , go get ‘em diagnosis, meds , CBT and THRIVE 💚

I’m not gonna act deep because it’s not..

My parents didn’t understand the fact that i was sad this week because they stopped calling me to ask me about what kind of food i want them to cook for lunch , if i’m gonna be there to have lunch with them or at least if they should put me some of their “authentic homemade food” in the microwave so i’ll dig in once i’m home .

“order some takeaway and stop the drama” i mean i will , but i’m struggling here .. and let’s make it short .. SIMPLY : i miss the attention , care , the love and taste of my mom’s kabsa , things i can’t find in that big mac meal .. but i’m not gonna ask for it frankly .. duh ?

so i just told them “like a boomer mother” i want to safe money I won’t waste it on food while there’s food home , but fuck the money , i was actually looking for soul food , they can’t get it maybe so for that i’m finally posting this draft . Yes i’m a raging drama queen .

physiological functions , basic stuff , every function can be done routinely, blandly.. some are done to help you survive, some are done just to give you a shy boost that’ll wilt soon and you’ll look for the same boring shy booster again and you will be stuck at the same level without an escalation that satisfies your instinct of greed and evolution.

We as higher mammals , can’t survive to just survive.. we are here to thrive too or else we’ll suffer in every way possible “psychologically,physically,socially,spiritully,economically etc” but we won’t die , we will just suffer until we die which is way more scary .

Looking at maslows hierarchy of needs , we’ll see all the needs , we can’t exclude some of them just because we want to .. in fact we can but we will be defective and everything will be missed up .. Maslow said the physiological needs are the base of the hierarchy.. without it everything will fall .. so yes you can do it casually if you are lazy from time to time .. but at what cost on the longterm?

Emptiness can destroy everything.. you can  breath , eat , drink , have shelter, sleep and have sex everyday without bothering about passion .. but what are you gaining and what are you missing ? Let’s be honest we are all made of greed , and if we are not directing this instinct then we will be lost and unsatisfied forever.. self actualization is on the apex .. but y’all can’t pretend you don’t want that and you will just live with the base because you are lazy or less aware of all the grace god created above that base to the top “apex”

I watched a korean movie “Castaway on the moon” .. the guy was alone on an island and he kept eating plants and hunting birds casually to survive.. his soul was fading though he was getting the nutrients to keep his body banging .. then he decided to make jajjamyong ramen noodles (black beans noodles) after he found an unused jajjamyong sauce pack , on an island, for months he was harvesting & working hard to make himself a small bowl of tasty ramen noodles to eat it while crying , while the flavors are sparkling in his mouth and the authenticity, happiness, passion, satisfaction and self actualization are sparkling in his soul .

Same goes to sex , people can do it casually, no passion or emotional connection whatsoever.. like any other mammal .. and i’m not saying that in a “judgy” way because nah , we’re all mammals whether we liked it or not and we are meant to reproduce in order to sustain .. some can’t stand the commitment that comes with such function so that will suit them without the reproduction or commitment part for sure , I acknowledge diversity and honestly I don’t care ,what i care about is WHY nobody is talking about the longterm effect of this on these individuals? Or any other individual who is not aware of that higher parts of maslows hierarchy? I’m not trying to make your lives hard and complicated here , but don’t you think that we are missing lotta fun , lotta solutions , characters development and higher experiences that might touch and heal that hidden part of ourselves that we didn’t even know about ? Don’t you think that you are escaping from your issues by having multiple sexual partners or keep switching , just because you don’t really love any of them to the point that satisfies your soul , or keeps you coming to the same person asking for more because you won’t mind bursting or being love intoxicated if it was by this very special person ?

Hermann hesse made that clear in Kamala , although she was a courtesan, a beautiful professional one.. but not a drop of sweetness you’ll feel if she’s not into you.. as she said “Lovely and red is Kamala’s mouth, but try to kiss it against Her will and not a drop of sweetness will you have from it, which is so capable of dispensing great sweetness!” after Siddharta threatened her by showing off his strength and what he could do to just taste her red fresh lips .. just like Siddharta , most people think the temporary forced pleasure they get is the ultimate one, they don’t know about what’s higher , they can’t or don’t want to reach it .. the alms are enough for them .

“Yes, I have marked your words,” Siddhartha exclaimed. “How should I not mark words which are coming from such a mouth! Your mouth is like a freshly cracked fig, Kamala. My mouth is red and fresh as well, it will be a suitable match for yours, you’ll see.—But tell me, beautiful Kamala, aren’t you at all afraid of the Samana from the forest, who has come to learn how to make love?”
“Whatever for should I be afraid of a Samana, a stupid Samana from the forest, who is coming from the jackals and doesn’t even know yet what women are?”
“Oh, he’s strong, the Samana, and he isn’t afraid of anything. He could force you, beautiful girl. He could kidnap you. He could hurt you.”
“No, Samana, I am not afraid of this. Did any Samana or Brahman ever fear, someone might come and grab him and steal his learning, and his religious devotion, and his depth of thought? No, for they are his very own, and he would only give away from those whatever he is willing to give and to whomever he is willing to give. Like this it is, precisely like this it is also with Kamala and with the pleasures of love. Beautiful and red is Kamala’s mouth, but just try to kiss it against Kamala’s will, and you will not obtain a single drop of sweetness from it, which knows how to give so many sweet things! You are learning easily, Siddhartha, thus you should also learn this: love can be obtained by begging, buying, receiving it as a gift, finding it in the street, but it cannot be stolen. In this, you have come up with the wrong path. No, it would be a pity, if a pretty young man like you would want to tackle it in such a wrong manner.” – Siddhartha , Hermann Hesse

Anyway ,

I read a quote by Martha graham in the new BTS MV ( Black swan ) that sums it up : “A dancer dies twice , once when they stop dancing, and this first death is the more painful.” ..

i’m not gonna say “search for your passion” because it’s not something to search for or make up .. it’s always there and available inside you , in everything , even in your parents’ kabsa 😛 ..

Just be grateful ,graceful, don’t live like a mannequin with useless wings , open up your eyes and don’t die before your heart stops .. one death is enough isn’t it ?

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